I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
