I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
