he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
