I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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