Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
