are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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