And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
