new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
should my penis look like a turkey
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
