i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
