So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize