Little spoons don't ask big questions
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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