just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
