lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
