Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
