I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
