I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
