I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
