Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
