how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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