the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize