Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we made out on top of his cat.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
