And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
