maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
