i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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