I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
