Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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