Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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