If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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