Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
