I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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