Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
