I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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