I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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