dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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