my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it because I queefed?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
