He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
