You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize