My sheets look like a crime scene.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
