i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize