Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
