you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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