do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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