i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
