whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize