what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
