He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
