where am i from again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
