there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
