he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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