Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
