Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
