I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
