The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
