Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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