ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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