just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
