I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
