why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
