yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
