In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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