At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
