You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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