Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
