can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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