im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
