those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
