My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
