he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
