i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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