I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
