i just wanna soil my oats bro
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
