the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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