I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
