if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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