I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
