Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
