The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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