I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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