Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
