I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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