matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
