Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
