so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
