were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
