He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize