i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's the barista slut.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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