Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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