threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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