My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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